Category: Dear Kids

Cup Catch Up: March ’26

Cup Catch Up: March ’26

by scruffyrube ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Dear Kids,

I realized recently that I feel guilt and shame about what I like to do with my free time. Soccer is long and not always exciting. Wrestling often doesn’t reflect my values. Writing, reading, studying languages, solving crosswords, and running are all great for me personally, but they’re utterly inconsequential to helping others or building a better world.

In that light, you might wonder why I keep doing this project. Why not stick to things that matter?

Dear Kids,

Because, the things we love matter too.

Conveniently, after reading a pair of Italian Nobel Laureates this year, I found the original (reputed) source of a widely used quote in Italian manager Arrigo Sacchi

“Football is the most important of the least important things.”

Inigo will “no be moved” either

Right now there are many “IMPORTANT” things happening. War, injustice, corruption, dehumanization. The guilty part of me feels like maybe: I should teach about those issues; take you to protests in the streets; get you writing your congress people now in the hope of stemming the tide of cruelty in the future. I think I should not just talk about sports ball.

And yet…This is where I am, and this is where I stay. I will not be moved.

In part because proponents of war, injustice, corruption, and dehumanization try to pass off their contempt for others with the misdirection of organized sports events (see World Cup 2018, 2022, 2026) and calling that out rebuffs their slight of hand and reclaims our joy. In part because savoring the joy of human life helps to anchor why we fight for it.

And perhaps most of all, because in the midst of all the madness, I got to take you both to matches this month. I got to share snacks, and jokes, and laughs, and dances with you. And those are the most important things…so, football might not matter, but what it connects us to, definitely does.

Results & Notable Players

Rosenborg, Punjab, Minnesota, and Emelec all started their seasons in earnest this month. Of those sides only Punjab really seems to be ready, and given the long layoff before the season started in India, that makes sense. While longstanding talisman Lucka Macjen left the team during its interminable offseason, Nikhil Prabhu is ready to step up…or was until his injury. But defenders Khaminthang Lhungdim and Bijoy Verghese both have stepped up wonderfully to help the team (and in Verghese’s case himself en route to a national team cap). Plus defensive midfielder Samir Zeljkovic has already chipped in plenty of offense with an assist and goal.

Meanwhile both Emelec and Rosenborg have balanced fine debuts for their women with rougher goes for the menfolk. Irene Dirdal and Marie Kristine Vik combined well in the first match, and Beate Marcussen looked to provide a fulcrum in the second but the team wasn’t able to shut down opponents chances. At the same time that inconsistency would be welcome for the men who (after falling to Molde, Valerenga and getting dumped from the League Cup) has been consistently awkward.

In Ecuador, Los Bombillos have had better luck but also seem dependent on Miler Bolanos and Romario Caicedo caputring the old magic to mixed effect. Meanwhile the women are looking to be putting together a campaign as professional as their ptich as they stand solidly in the middle of the table after beating teams they should (and struggling against top sides)

Punjab

W 2 – D 2 – L ; GF: 7 / GA: 2

Emelec

Masculinos: W 1 – D 1 – L 2; GF 3/GA: 5

Femininas: W 2 – D 0 – L 2; GF 4/GA: 7

Rosenborg

Menner: W 0 – D 0 – L 3; GF: 2/GA: 8

Kvinner W 0 – D 2 – L 0; GF 2/GA: 2

Finally amongst the newbies, it behooves us to take a little time to talk about the team that we’re closest to. But the clearest lesson is that the Loons have definitely missed Dayne St. Clair. The goalie of the year’s departure for Miami and Messi makes logical sense, but its also put extra pressure on the defense to figure out how to organize themselves while new keeper Drake Callendar gets to know them and Michael Boxall works back from an injury. Anthony Markanich still looks like a dynamic and undervalued full back, but the actual offense hasn’t done much to fire up their engines or the crowd as we all shiver in a Minnesota spring.

Minnesota

Loons: W 1 – D 1 – L 2 ; GF: 2/ GA: 9

Among the teams that already had matches to their credits, it was a rough showing for both Grenoble and Freiburg who simply could not find any consistent form. The Frenchmen have been winless since the end of January, and the women might be in real trouble if it weren’t for three straight second half equalizers (including two straight stoppage time savers from Laurine Baga and Graziella Mazza.

Freiburg’s struggles came on opposite ends of the field. The women could not get the attack into gear, finding the net once in their first two matches. To be fair, they do have a young attack with the front four in both matches fielding nobody younger than 24. While the men’s defensive inconsistency, putting a lot of pressure on Noah Atubolu. Fortunately Igor Matanovic did put together a good attack to help them get another win in the league.

Grenoble:

Hommes: W – D 2 – L 2 ; GF: 2 / GA: 4

Femmes: W 0 – D 3- L 0 ; GF: 3 / GA: 3

Freiburg

Herren: W 2 – D 1 – L 3 ; GF: 10/ GA: 10

Frauen: W 0 – D 0 – L 2 ; GF: 1/ GA: 4

For the rest of the sides there was a similar ebb and flow to the month. With several great showings and some disappointments.

Alebrijes has long struggled with their offense, but seem to have a strong squad to show up this year with Jose Franco netting two in a win, 19 year old Jesus Bustos with two in a loss, Hecor Mascorro and Fernando Morales again in match where they get the lead before needing a late winner from Bubakarry Fadika. Meanwhile Vozdovac put their focus on the defense with defender Nikola Jankovic in the right back spot has been the most consistent contributor to the Dragons defense. Finally the Staggies continue to just barely avoid the bottom of the table after a couple of collapses, but the women’s side clicked in a big way with 15 goals unanswered (7 of which belonged to Rhea Hassock).

Sadly, we should also mention both Legon Cities sides who had plenty of disappointments and not a lot of great showings with one point from 7 matches. The Royals gave up 9 in a row to the same component over two matches, and only Eden Kofi Asamoah’s two second half goals against against Samartex saved it from being a month long shutout for both teams.

Alebrijes

W 2 – D 1 – L 2 ; GF: 10 / GA: 16

Vozdovac

W 2 – D 1 – L 2; GF: 4/ GA: 3

Ross County

Lads: W 1 – D 2 – L 3; GF: 5 / GA: 9

Lasses: W 3 – D 1 – L 0; GF: 17/ GA: 1

Legon Cities:

Premier Team: W 0 – D 1 – L 3 ; GF: 2 / GA: 8

Divison 1 Team: W 0 – D 0 – L 3 ; GF: 0 / GA: 12

Looking Ahead

April will feature two big splits as teams in Scotland and Serbia fight against the other sides in line for promotion or relegation (as the case may be). Right now County is in real trouble, while Vozdovac is in the thick of their scrap as well. Meanwhile it’s all over but the crying for both Legon clubs as more relegation awaits….but maybe they’ll just buy another team to make it three?

At the same time the World Cup will kick into the next gear as the final six teams book their spots in the group stages (assuming, as named above, more ridiculous political theater doesn’t derail it further). I’d love to say Vincenzo Grifo could finally get some international acclaim, but as he’s 32 and hasn’t played with the national team in 3 years, it’s sad to say that he’s probably past it at this point (which just means more for us!)

Standings

I think it’s worth noting that Punjab went from last to first this month, while two time cup winner Rosenborg is bringing up the rear (even including the mess at Legon Cities)

TeamWDLPPGGFAGAA
Punjab2211.601.400.60
Grenoble6861.300.951.25
Vozdovac2321.290.570.43
Emelec3141.250.881.50
Freiburg94121.241.041.44
Ross County75111.131.091.13
Alebrijes3451.081.332.00
Minnesota1221.000.802.20
Legon Cities31170.480.862.71
Rosenborg0230.400.802.00
Montana–b000———
Table Updated 3/30/26
b–Team is between seasons
Cup Catch Up: February ’26

Cup Catch Up: February ’26

by scruffyrube ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Dear Kids,

Score another one for the bad guys.

Dear Kids,

When your mom went on a special trip with her friends a few weeks ago it was time for an OPA celebration (Owen, Papa, and Alex). We did some special stuff that I’m much more likely to encourage: we ate a lot of meat, practiced burping, and watched pro wrestling.

O’s Hero

I have a soft spot for the not remotely subtle science, and I can’t help but want to share it with you particularly when my favorite match of the year, the Royal Rumble, is in season. So, we watched, and Owen discovered a new hero: The Boogeyman (also known as Martin Wright).

Owen has long had a soft spot for the bad guys: the Sanderson Sisters, Scar, the Saja Boys, so I’m not overly shocked that a monstrous, worm-eating, figure of fear is the wrestler who sticks with them. What it made me realize though, is that, in sport (and sports-entertainment) there isn’t really one bad guy and one good guy. There are just favorites and foes.

Take the case of Ecuador’s biggest rivalry where our side (Emelec) faces their neighbors (Barcelona) in El Classico del Astillero (the battle of the shipyards). Emelec is vaunted, celebrated, and successful. But they’re widely seen as interlopers, funded by a wealthy foreigner (American George Capwell) and ignoring their actual community.

My Hero

I will still cheer for Emelec, but I can fully acknowledge that others never will. In the same way, I’m actually delighted to hear that Owen’s selected champion is a spooky-wooky monster. Who cares if everyone else responds with fear, disgust, or opposition. Your favorite is your favorite, O. Enjoy it…just like I cheered until Andre the Giant was bodyslammed by Hulk Hogan and everyone else screamed in joy.

It can be tempting to think that we only cheer for the good guys, or that our opponents deserve to lose. But that’s not a fair way to view the world. I can see well reasoned arguments that there are absolute rights and absolute wrongs in some particular areas (treatment of other humans for instance). But shows, entertainments and sports aren’t one of them. So feel free to like who you like, and respect that others will disagree.

Results

Freiburg

Herren: W 2- D 1- L 3; GF: 4/GA:7

Frauen: W 1 – D 1 – L 2; GF 4/GA: 8

Grenoble:

Hommes: W 1 – D 2 – L 0; GF: 3/ GA: 2

Femmes: W 2 – D 0 – L 2; GF 5/GA: 5

Legon Cities:

Premier Team: W 0 – D 0 – L 3; GF 0/GA: 8

Divison 1 Team: W 0 – D 0 – L 3; GF: 6/GA: 12

Ross County

Lads: W 0 – D 1 – L 2; GF 1/GA: 3

Lasses: W 1 – D 1 – L 3; GF 8/ GA: 8

Alebrijes

W 1 – D 2 – L 1; GF: 5/GA: 4

Punjab

W 0 – D 0 – L 1; GF 0/GA: 1

Vozdovac

W 0 – D 2 – L 0; GF 0/GA: 0

Minnesota

W 0 – D 1 – L 0; GF 2/GA:2

Notable Players

All around it was a rougher month for the teams, with most teams struggling to win more than a single game (though, to be fair, several teams only just got off the line…or in the case of Vozdovac forgot to score, or in the case of Emelec, got postponed).

Once again, Noah Atubolu is the biggest name in the conversation, (goal)keeping Freiburg in matches where the rest of the defense struggles to hold a consistent line. Jessy Benet, long a favorite of this website, seems to have a new midfield running partner in Yadala Diaby who is creating lots of chaos and lining up some impressive shots from distance. But the men’s undefeated month really owes a lot to Loris Mouyokolo and Clement Vidal who have stepped up to the vital Center Back positions with ease.

The other team with the most points this month is Alebrijes! Julio Cruz has been more of a super sub this year than his usual lead attacking self, but it’s been working with Hector Mascorro running the show. (I very much want to heap praise on the Ur-Royals’ Forward Makhmud Bansi Isaak who netted twice more than the top division team this month…but the second division Royals also lost 3 games despite scoring 6 goals….oof)

The women’s sides continue to play a strong team game, with Freiburg’s defenders Julia Steirli and Lisa Karl running both sides of the ball, Melanie Charbonnier and Laurine Baga serving the attack in a big derby win against Thonon Evian. And I’m choosing to believe that Ross County’s four goal deluge to notch their first win of 2026 was inspired partly by the goalkeeper “Sofia” who also helped them stem the tide against Arbroath. I’m rooting for her to start a trend of one-named Scottish wonders like “Ederson” or “Marta” only colder.

Looking Ahead

Good luck Coach C!

In the rush of the end of the year I missed some major news out of Missoula where Chris Citwoicki (the superb Griz coach) chose to take his talents to the higher profile and better funded Washington State University up the road in Pullman Washington. Genuinely, Citowicki is a very nice guy and an excellent supporter of his players. It seemed inevitable that he would be going on to bigger things so we wish him well. But this month the Griz got a new coach in Stuart Gore. Gore came to the US from England for college and then as a coach won a lower level national championship in Ohio, a conference championship in Louisiana (with the Northwestern State Demons–an old favorite logo of mine) then Troy in the dangerous Sun Belt conference. We hope he continues what’s going well and continues supporting the toughest team in Big Sky Country.

Sadly, I won’t be attending the World Cup this summer as your uncles and I did not with the lottery, but Alex did try out for his team again so I’ll be having fun regardless.

Emelec will kick off their new campaign in early March after an unexpected stadium related delay (that’s been going around as Punjab had the same issue on their first match day). While Rosenborg hopefully won’t have any such problems as both the men and women start fresh.

Finally, our fondness for Tottenham Hotspur is being tested by something approaching gross incompetence, but our beloved Julie Blakstad is now on their women’s team, so we’re committed again.

Standings

TeamWDLPPGGFAGAA
Grenoble6341.621.081.23
Freiburg7371.410.881.29
Minnesota0101.002.002.00
Alebrijes1321.001.001.33
Vozdovac0201.001.001.00
Ross County3280.851.001.25
Legon Cities30110.641.142.64
Pubjab0010.000.001.00
Montana–b000———
Rosenborg–b000———
Emelec–b000———
Table Updated 2/24/26
b–Team is between seasons
Cup Catch Up: January ’26

Cup Catch Up: January ’26

by scruffyrube ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Dear Kids,

Things are hard.

Truthfully they’re always hard.

I started writing these notes to you when Owen was still small enough to fit in the crook of my arm, and Alex’s favorite activity was chasing the vacuum cleaner, and while that seemed simple…handling both of you (and a vacuum cleaner)…navigating a pandemic was not.

Dear Kids,

It has stayed hard.

Through murder, unrest, insurrection, division, deceit, venality, corruption, and now an armed invasion again (and that’s just in our country…never mind the terror, invasion, and war crimes abroad), things are hard, have been hard, and will likely remain hard.

When everything is hard, it is so easy to get discouraged, to get mean, to get angry and cold (especially in Minnesota in January), which is why I take heart from the little things.

Ross County is in a hard place. They are struggling to get points of any kind. They have conceded more goals than any other team in their division this year, and they look likely to be demoted for the second straight year.

Alex wants to stop ICE with ice and bologna.

So Alex Iacovitti didn’t need to do this. He could have just let the ball go past again…let the team lose 2-0 instead of 1-0. But he did what he could, he threw himself into the situation and managed to help. Iacovitti’s play is sweet…and a very tiny glimmer of the energy and effort that we and our neighbors are throwing at the situation in Minnesota now.

As federally endorsed officials attempt to detain and expel other Minnesota residents, we have seen senseless brutality and violence. But, I also see breathtaking effort, love and care when your mom and so many others stand in the freezing cold to keep kids safe on their way into your school. I see it in your aunt and uncle fundraising and gathering groceries for other families in their day care. I even see it in the two of you making posters to protest and tease the officials who are imposing their interests on our community.

I don’t know if Alex Iacovitti would be with us in lending help and support to the people in need. But I know that I love living and working with a bunch of people who would, no matter how bad things are, rush back to try to clear an attack away.

Results

Freiburg

Herren: W 3- D 1- L 1; GF: 7/GA:6

Frauen: W 0 – D 0 – L 1; GF 0/GA: 1

Grenoble:

Hommes: W 0 – D 1 – L 2; GF: 2/ GA: 6

Femmes: W 2 – D 0 – L 1; GF 4/GA: 3

Legon Cities:

Premier Team: W 1- D 0 – L 3; GF 4/GA: 7

Divison 1 Team: W 2- D 0 – L 2; GF: 6/GA: 10

Ross County

Lads: W 2 – D 0 – L 2; GF 3/GA: 3

Lasses: W 0 – D 0 – L1; GF 1/ GA: 2

Alebrijes

W 0 – D 1 – L 1; GF: 1/GA: 4

Notable Players

Freiburg leads the charge out of the gate in our 2026 season, with Vincenzo Grifo (big shock) being a talisman in attack; Goalie Noah Atubolu stopping both Hamburg and Koln; Matthias Ginter and Christian Gunter offer goal opportunities in the defense (attack and pk to fight back).

Grenoble sits second with a big pair of goals of the bench getting the ladies in to the round of sixteen before the bowed out to Strasbourg. But we’ll also tip a cap to Claudia Fabre who got the winner against Guingamp and Gaetan Paquiez who saved the day in defense before sending in two assists to steal a point against Pau.

Ross County’s Alex Iacovitti has already gotten his flowers, but we’ll also shout out Jay Henderson whose two goals gave the Stags their first win in the league since October. And honorary mentions to the last teams on our list including Rauf Muna with two goals to get the Wonder Royals their first points in six attempts, and Jair Cortes delivering a late equalizer against Cancun.

Looking Ahead

The biggest item on my horizon is finding out if your uncles and I will be attending a World Cup match in Philadelphia this summer. But we’ll also watch as each of these teams builds into fuller form and Minnesota United kicks off their new season with a change in veterans, goalies, and even coaches, while Punjab (maybe) kicks off (maybe) on Valentine’s Day (unless something weird happens…which with Indian soccer…it will)

Standings

TeamWDLPPGGFAGAA
Freiburg4121.861.001.00
Grenoble3121.671.001.50
Ross County2031.200.801.00
Legon Cities3051.251.002.13
Alebrijes0110.500.502.00
Emelec–b000———
Montana–b000———
Rosenborg–b000———
Minnesota–b000———
Vozdovac–b000———
Punjab–b000———
Table Updated 1/26/26
b–Team is between seasons
x–Team is finished playing for 2025
Dear Kids: It’s War!

Dear Kids: It’s War!

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I’ve been having a hard time lately with Alex’s newly found favorite game.

Every time there’s a deck of cards at hand, or a parent without a clear chore in hand, or a new person walking in the room Alex will ask: “Do you want to play a game of War?”

Dear Kids,

War is a perfectly fine card game. It is not quite the test of skill and strategy Alex seems to think it is. There’s a lot more luck and circumstance that influences the outcome (even if you are a seven year old who will carefully stack the deck–without admitting it). And the game can just drag on into eternity if you’re not careful with absolutely no one winning.

And so, I realized for the first time in forty-two years on the planet: the game truly is war.

It’s been a bloody year. The war in Ukraine drags on. The war in Gaza batters people pleading for help. There was a staggering 12 day battle in Iran that ended suddenly (and may restart just as suddenly). All that and there continues to be simmering conflicts that draw little international attention in Sudan, Haiti, Myanmar, Congo, Kenya, and Ecuador. These wars are brutal and bloody affairs that have their origins long before even your grandparents were born.

There are some leaders who try to stack the deck in their favor, only to have it all come undone due to unforeseen circumstances: from the weather to promises of hotels. All of the beliefs of childhood, that there is a way to win the war (in card games, in nerf gun battles, in anything) are woefully mistaken. All the simplicity of good versus bad, right versus wrong, Jedi versus Sith that guide you kids in your understanding of conflict, is just not viable.

The Nobel Prize Laureates I’ve been reading get that. Again and again they revisit the theme that all war is unjust, all war is cruel, all war is random. From Bertha Von Suttner and George Bernard Shaw up to Harold Pinter and Elfriede Jelinek, it’s just danger and violence and then it repeats all over again.

This is where measured and sane sports coaches are a welcome distraction. Freiburg’s Christian Streich and Julian Schuster always made plain that they cared about the safety and well being of people in dangerous areas, and that they held no grudges or animosity against their opponents on the field. Minnesota’s Eric Ramsay, Montana’s Chris Citowiki, they both acknowledge the hard work that their team puts in to win, not the deplorable opponents. This spring saw the end of Big Ange Postecoglou’s run at a top English team, and through it all he was considerate and mindful of the other side and his own (maybe not as much the press, but…c’est la vie).

There are so many ways to play at War. And I know that the looming presence of shoot-em-up video games will add another layer of this. I know that politicians and media and historians love to dig in to the stratagems and offensives to assign medals and blame. I know that comforting narrative makes it easy to decide that War is a good way to show your intelligence, bravery, and worth.

But I hope you listen to the poets. I hope you listen to (some) of the coaches. I hope you listen to the victims: War harms us all.

Thoughts on Father’s Day

Thoughts on Father’s Day

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This is my 8th Father’s Day as a father. I’m sitting down to write this after grabbing toast fixings and passing the responsibility for making it to the kids. I’m hearing chants of “chicken-chicken-latte!” while they battle lego figurines in a complex game of dragon-clones created for nefarious purposes. And I’m looking at a long list of things I’ve wanted to write and hopefully will get to start today.

But first, a regrounding of sorts.

Dear Boys,

I’ve set aside essay writing for a while. Largely because I’ve felt like I get too wrapped up in my own mind and lose sight of what matters in the moment. I tried to keep up on writing about specific teams, players and games, but I was too inundated with work to do more than see the scores and sigh (seriously: Emelec, Legon, and Ross County seem determined to find the maximum sigh volume in my voice…and besides, if any hard core fans are coming here for scores and analysis…why?).

But I know writing is important to me. And I know that writing, whatever form it takes, helps me to be both aware of the moment, and of the broader world around me. So, I reason, I ought to write sometimes just about myself, my world, and where I’m at.

Without a doubt myself, my world and where I am shifted most clearly a few months ago when Owen (age 5) told us they didn’t feel “like a boy or a girl”.

Before that, I loved Owen totally, unreservedly, and absolutely.

Afterwards, I have continued to love Owen totally, unreservedly, and absolutely.

But the rush of everything has left me little time to really be aware of what this all means.

Part of me feels like it doesn’t mean much. After all, Owen has been insisting on wearing “dresses” (at first long t-shirts, but increasingly Taylor Swift/Disney Princess-style costumes/ballgowns) since they were 2. Owen freely shifts between Darth Vader light sabers and Queen Elsa ice blasts depending on which will serve them best in the moment. In short, Owen hasn’t quite conformed to the “boys wear blue and love trucks” mentality for many years. That has confused some of my family members but has also been widely accepted and encouraged by most everyone we know.

But to label it–to say “mom, dad, I am neither”–has required a bigger shift in thinking than I expected and I need to consider it, thus the writing. I am striving to switch pronouns after five years of ingrained habits. I am unblinkingly answering questions from peers like “how are your boys?” with things like “my son Alex is reading on his own, and my child Owen is super excited to do their Pout Pout Fish dance recital.” I am down to be Owen’s dad and champion.

But part of me worries: I don’t want to co-opt my child’s journey to become a story about me. Nor do I expect applause for providing basic love and compassion to my own offspring. However, in this moment of our lives writing these thoughts down has helped me to realize where the changed happened. Not in Owen. Not in the way I feel or think about them. Instead this has been a clear and decisive shift from a time when I would passively just “let Owen explore” to a time when I MUST say “Owen is exploring and I am going to advocate for them.”

So, I read the literature. I ask questions. I stand side by side when they speak, back them up when they need it, and step up if they’re scared. (Suffice to say, as the kids attend a Jesuit school despite my Lutheran-upbringing and my wife’s agnosticism, we were surprisingly invested in the papal conclave. ) I did tell a principal, “if you’re going to walk with us on this journey, you need to let other families know they should not block the path.” (I did not find the gumption to tell that same principal “you know what would help us on our journey…if you tried saying “they” rather than “he”, you know…just to prove to yourself that you won’t blow up if you use a non-gendered pronoun.)

Moreover, I know I have to I stand by Alex just as much. Both as he grows up answering classmates’ disbelief and navigating a shift in the sibling dynamic, and as he becomes more a more independent young man who makes his own toast and writes his own stories (about nefarious dragon-clones which the more I write it sounds cooler and cooler).

This is my 8th Father’s Day as a father, but it is my first as a parent of someone who openly identifies outside of gender binaries. I am scared of making mistakes (emotional harm is much more impactful than the professional athletes playing in the second division come the fall), I am intimidated by sitting down to write about these thoughts and blasting them out in to the world. But if I intend to be a father to my children in all their ever-evolving glory, I need to be here.

To be here, it helps to write about it.

To write about it, it helps to have a venue to share things. And so…here we are.

This has been the MacKenzie Boys’ Bootroom, but the second word is not only inaccurate, I acknowledge now that it has always been irrelevant. So this is now The MacKenzie’s Bootroom. Long may it be so.

This Is Why You Stay to the End

This Is Why You Stay to the End

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This year, after a long, cold winter, the promise of spring began to bud as the American soccer season opened.

Sorry…I meant to say after an indeterminable and clearly climate changed winter, the weather felt exactly the same as the American soccer season opened.

And this year, I went with Alex.

Dear Boys,

It was not a great game. The Loons, fortunate winners the previous week, faced the reigning champions: The Columbus Crew. Our team was shorthanded, with several players working up to fitness, and we were limited to a temporary set of tactics from their caretaker manager. So it wasn’t surprising that the local eleven seemed stuck in the first half. The biggest cheer for most of the game came when former Loon Christian Ramirez made his first appearance at Allianz Field and was welcomed warmly by the long time fans…making a competitive match feel rather friendly.

It was great to see him return, to celebrate a player who was widely loved in the community. But he also clearly added a bit of danger to the Columbus. And then…the champions took the lead. The Loons quickly look deflated, but the sun was shining and our fries were salty so Alex and I stayed on to watch the end of the match.

That’s when we got our reward:

The stadium erupted, our section erupted, we screamed like we’d won even though it was only a draw. “This,” I shouted over the chaos, “is why you stay until the end.”

It’s a kind of perseverance, enduring the long slog of a game, or a season for the sake of one magical moment. It’s a passive perseverance, not the kind of spiritual struggle of long-standing activists, or the physical slog athletes go through. But fandom might be the best training wheel version of perseverance that we have.

There are always opportunities to walk away. Fans can leave the stadium. We can turn off the games. We can ignore the sports pages. And honestly, there’s nothing inherently wrong with it. Stepping away from things can protect you from injury or harm.

But perseverance can be rewarded with moments that offer real catharsis.

The Loons, against the odds continued trying to find the goal, despite the various limitations that could have justified a defeat.

Christian Ramirez had innumerable opportunities to step away from the game. When he didn’t get a professional opportunity on his first attempt. When he was hung out to dry by the Loons prior manager (who never seemed to appreciate the talent on the sideline). When his trip to Europe was undermined by managerial upheaval. When his family grew and his career path was uncertain.

But he has a League Championship medal and he received a rapturous ovation from fans who saw him start and have admired him even after he left us behind.

However the story ends, if you stick around till the end you can appreciate it all the more. Whether it ends with one point in the standings, a hero’s return, or just celebrating with your kid/dad. These are special moments, and they’re made all the more special if you persevere to see them through. If it’s this fun to watch others persevere, just wait till you get to do it yourself.

Double-Edged Passion

Double-Edged Passion

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The more time I spend with you boys the more I come to recognize that lessons about life, about our world, about important skills in reading, writing, and arithmetic, all stand subordinate to lessons about our emotions.

While there are many times where you need to vent your anger, or express your sadness, or scream out your joy, there’s one emotion that cuts across all of them: passion. It may not be an emotion in and of itself, but rather an intensity of emotion that supercharges each feeling to its extremity.

Sadness isn’t just sadness, it’s a part of “the WORST DAY EVER”. Frustration isn’t just frustration it’s the impetus for each of you to slam doors and scream out “YOU. RUIN. EVERYTHING!!!”

At four and six you are still learning how to express emotions, how to handle the extremity and how to appreciate the nuances.

But you aren’t the only ones.

Dear Boys,

Of all the things that happened in our small corner of the soccer world, I found myself thinking about this moment in Dingwall, Scotland frequently.

@theukcasualsway

Partick Thistle Fans Nicking The Ross County Drum Today ๐Ÿ˜ณ #football #footballer #fans #footballfans #footballforlife #uk #unitedkingdom #footballcasuals #casuals #casualstyle #casualclobber #casualculture #casualscene #pyro #tifosi #tifos #tifoso #ultras #ultrasworld #ultrasmentality #ultrasstyle #premierleague #efl #eflchampionship #spfl #limbs #awayfans #awayends #uefa

โ™ฌ original sound – Ukcasualsway

That’s fans of Partick Thistle letting their passions run riot before a Cup match at the end of January. Given that Thistle lost a painful playoff battle just last June to County, I can understand why emotions were running hot. Given that their team was in fine form while County was bedraggled, I understand why there was such confidence and energy.

But I keep thinking about that last moment. Watching one young man stop, grab, and rip away another young man’s drum. I understand the emotions. I understand how passions rise up, but I just don’t understand why it has to lead to pushing down someone else in order to lift yourself up.

I certainly have seen you both tussle and bicker over this toy or that one. I’ve watched your feelings turn into passions, and your passions turn into punches (or the four-year-old-equivalent), and I honestly can see a physical resemblance between you both and the young men in this video (the men are likely only 10-15 years older than you).

One of many intense fights

I see all this, all these echoes of you in bigger bodies, thousands of miles away. And I worry.

I like that you have all the emotions. I like that you express them. But I don’t want you to fall into this trap.

Lots of people have lots of emotions. All of them are real, and none of them are bad. But when we let passion push our emotions beyond ourselves to interrupt others, there’s a problem.

First and foremost, if you let your passions run the show, you risk harming others. Add to that, when other people get harmed, their passions intensify and suddenly you’re at risk as well. Consider, as well, that as you grow into bigger bodies, bigger muscles, and develop a bigger arsenal of attacks, you face bigger consequences. You can be seen as a threat, a dangerously violent force, and you can face legal consequences too.

That’s what happened to these young men. I’m sure their petty hooliganism released their passions in the moment, but it also made them targets of police inquiries.

It’s not only the young pseudo toughs who let their passions get the better of them. Sometimes, it’s the older adults who are supposed to be mature enough to lead others.

That’s County manager, Derek Adams, the same man who helped the Stags climb to the Premiership years ago. Frustration for him turns into an impassioned argument, but one against his own players, the men he claims to lead. Saying that they (and their opponents) are “rubbish” that they aren’t worth paying to see, that they are 100 times worse than a lower tier team in England.

Conveniently, Adams opted to quit working with “rubbish” players after they continued to struggle (not long after that cup defeat against Thistle as a matter of fact).

I don’t mind that Adams was frustrated or that he let his frustrations pour out in a passionate outburst after a difficult match. I do mind that he let his passion excuse some cruelty to people who are trying their best. Adams didn’t steal a child’s drum, or commit petty vandalism, but he did bully and ridicule others.

Passion is important. It can give you motivation and energy to do more than you imagine. It can connect you to others and build a community of enthusiastic strivers. But it can also run down others and isolate you from those who could help you.

Passion is powerful. Learn from the poor examples of Derek Adams and County’s highland rivals. Please, use it to empower and unite, not to batter and divide.

Reclaiming Benevolence

Reclaiming Benevolence

by scruffyrube ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

I was in a teacher activity thinking about words that are immutable parts of ourselves. Obviously thinking about you boys, and what I have, and all those good things, I thought of love.

Dear, Boys

But love can go many directions and many ways. You can adore things and hold them up beyond their reach. You can yearn for things and have a lot, a lot of wanting. But I ended up pairing it with another word I use a lot “give”, so the words the related words to love that stood out most were “care”, “cherish” and “benevolence”

Benevolence doesn’t actually have that great of a sound to it. Many people look at “benevolence” a little like a smug and distant force. Your mom works in the arts where “benefactors” are people who give large sums of money and end up with their name on walls or programs. Your grandpa Bruce (the original MacKenzie Boy) is fond of the image of a “Benevolent Dictator” someone who will use total power to do kind and just things. (Your grandpa likes it because it’s about as realistic as having a seven-headed kitten.)

But, I still like “benevolence”. And because I am who I am, I dug into the word. Looking not at what it means to people now, but how the word grew and developed.

Benevolent, like most latin-derived words, starts with the ending: “ent”–doing…I like that because I like active rather than passive love; next “volo”–wishes…I like that because so much is out of our control, you can control your hopes and aspirations and wishes for the world; finally “bene”–good. So put it all together and Benevolent means “doing good wishes”, if you are benevolent you aren’t giving money or ruling the world, you are just wishing well for other people, sending goodness and compassion outward.

I like that root of “benevolence”. But it isn’t easy.

Forgive the facist meme, this is the negative…

It’s hard for you kids. You can do it when we’re cuddled up at the end of the day and I ask you who you want to send gratitude or love to. But in the middle of the day, chores become “why do you make me do everything!”, “I never get to play!” and “I can’t do it, I’m just stupid!”. Play time becomes “gimme that”,โ€‚”no, that’s mine,” and “you’re a stupid head, I’m leaving!!”. Honestly, I feel it come up in my own words, “why aren’t you listening to me?”, “boys, I said, No,” and “just do what I asked you, please?”.

It’s hard to offer benevolence up when things feel so antagonistic.

The same thing is true in sports. It’s not an extremely benevolent field. Instead people obsess over results and outcomes. Soccer is often a zero sum affair: a game where there is a winner and a loser and a sense that in order to get something good for yourself, someone else has to suffer.

But it’s also in soccer where you can see great examples of benevolence.

Two of my favorite coaches preach this perspective. Looking for the good in the community and the positives for everyone.

Chris Citowicki’s first standard in recruiting for the University of Montana was to make a pledge to recruits. “I promise that when it’s all over, You will have had the best four years of your life.” He’s not pledging to make them “winners” or to become professionals or win national (or even conference championships), he is focused on the best four years: socially, academically, everything. He wants what’s best for his team…not what results in the most wins on the field.

Christian Streich’s politics are a welcome breath of fresh air, all the more so when he looks for ways to wish well for everyone involved in a hot button issue. At a time when politics is very much a blood sport, he speaks in ways to understand others.โ€‚In the heat of an immigration crisis, he spoke about the needs of refugees and to the emotions of the heated few: “Right now is the time to open up to people, to receive [refugees], to reduce fears. It is often about the fear of others and the fear of strangers. It’s about getting to know other ways of thinking.”

The goal isn’t to be right while your opponents admit defeat. It’s to welcome people in need, and help those who are afraid to find hope and confidence in knowledge rather than fear.

In thinking about soccer, I certainly grind my teeth over unlucky results or unfair whistles, I definitely glower at lucky punks and grumble about unfair systems, but that good wishing, that kindness mentality, that’s what I aspire to.

More than proving I’m right and you’re wrong. More than making you play nice. I genuinely wish you can find the good: the good in yourselves, the kindness and compassion and love for each other, the strength to do it on your own.

I want to bring back benevolence: for the players I cheer for, for the neighbors I disagree with, for you boys even in the peaks of your anguish.

Start by wishing well for others, and let your actions follow.

86. Embrace the Chaos

86. Embrace the Chaos

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Earlier this year, one of our teams went viral.

In September, during one of Oaxaca’s rare offensive outbursts, a stray dog simply could not contain it’s excitement and did this before the final whistle blew…

Clearly, this wasn’t intended. I’m sure that the players would have rather been seen world wide for a particularly fantastic bit of skill, or a startling comeback with a thunderous goal.

But rather than complain or shout or think about what they had wanted to happen, everyone on the team and in the office chose to celebrate. They adopted Max, welcoming him as a new mascot/substitute player (truthfully, given the rate they shipped goals…and Max’s impressive ball control, it was a joke that might have been better as fact).

More often than not, you kids have plans in place, and you hate when anything disrupts them. Alex wants to play with someone else, and to win. Owen has whole dramatic scenes perfectly scripted in his head, that the rest of us, infuriatingly, don’t execute as he wants. (Honestly, I’m not sure why it takes three people to have a stuffed shark wake up a baby komodo dragon…or why it’s Owen’s daily ritual…but here we are.)

I have the same problem. I want you to eat a full meal. I want you to be on time to school. I want you to get to bed at a decent hour so you can have a full night’s sleep. And, while I may not stamp, or scream or snit when it doesn’t happen, I don’t really celebrate either.

But Alebrijes shows us that it doesn’t have to be that way. We can embrace the chaos, we can welcome the unforeseen interruption and appreciate what it is rather than what we want it to be. In all of it, there’s a joy to be had when you let go of what you want and embrace what you have (if only for a moment).

Dear Boys,

84. The Right Fight

84. The Right Fight

by scruffyrube ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Dear Boys,

The men of the MacKenzie family have a particular weakness for speechifying.

We enjoy jalapeno kettle chips more than we ought to, and we all think we’re much funnier than anyone ever tells us, but our real flaw is speechifying.

So, naturally, we love the movies and plays of Aaron Sorkin, who never encountered a conflict that couldn’t be solved with a rousing, well-intentioned speech by an educated white guy.

With all those flaws, it should be little surprise that this bit from his film The American President is one of my favorite lines in all of film.

That’s a rallying cry that your uncles, your grandfather, your second cousins and pretty much anybody who has been in the room with us in a serious debate knows and knows well. It’s speechifying 101. It’s catnip to our big dumb man-cat brains.

It’s also a good way to live.

And it’s why I was utterly livid at the attitude of moronic speechifying men after the Women’s World Cup.

Infantino…looking for a clue.

Start with FIFA President, Gianni Infantino. The Swiss dollar store Mr. Clean substitute, concluded one of the most balanced women’s world cups in history, one of the most exciting and truly globalized celebrations of women in sports with an utterly tone deaf and moronic attempt to mansplain what women who want things to keep improving ought to do:

“Pick the right battles. Pick the right fights. You have the power to change. You have the power to convince us men what we have to do and what we don’t have to do. You do it. Just do it.”

….

“[Equal pay for men’s and women’s world cup teams] would not solve anything. It might be a symbol but it would not solve anything, because its one month every four years and its a few players out of the thousand and thousands of players.”

Gianni Infantino

Okay so awkwardly…I agree with a lot of the first paragraph. I want to encourage people to make advocate for change. But I’m a shmo on a keyboard in Minnesota opining to my kids. Gianni Infantino is in charge of international soccer from the highest to the lowest levels. Fighting the fights that need fighting is a laudable goal. It’s advice I give to you and to my students. It isn’t advice I dole out to people who are trying to get me to change my mind about a policy I can control.

Infantino’s call to action isn’t “GO GET EM!”, it’s more “get off my back already and go do something that matters.”

For proof look at the second paragraph quoted. Women players at the elite level have been agitating for equal pay (goodness knows the American women certainly deserve it given how wildly they outperform their male counterparts). So for Infantino to toss it away as meaningless and symbolic after telling people to advocate for change is a complete Not-In-My-BackYard, psuedo-supporter cop out.

Infantino could make equal pay in the professional game, the confederation tournaments, the club level, a requirement to host or play in FIFA’s gold-standard tournaments. Pushing athlete-activists to go somewhere else and give up on a goal he could help influence is a big ol’ sack of bull-puckey.

So here’s a more honest translation of Infantino’s mealy-mouthed attempt at unity

“Look, gimme a break alright. You want all these things so bad, go ask other people to do it…I don’t know what you could ask for or who you could ask, but I want you to do it somewhere other than here.

I know you’ve wanted equal pay…but, no. I’m not convinced, and as I said before…I’m tired of hearing you ask for it, so go ask someone else.”

–Gianni Infantino’s Inner-Monologue (SATIRE)

And yet, Infantino’s comments are only one prong of the pitchfork of stupid that ended the world cup. The other end belonged to the president of the Spanish federation, Luis Rubiales.

After watching a collection of superb athletes win the world championship, Rubiales decided it was a good time to grab star player Jenni Hermoso and give her a kiss on the lips.

Jenni Hermoso: Awesome Person

When people said it was wrong, he said those people were “idiots and stupid people”. When Hermoso told an interviewer that she “didn’t like it”, he (and his office) pretended that she made a statement claiming it was “natural celebration”. When the government called it “a form of sexual violence” and likened it to long running issues in Spanish society, he complained that it was all “false feminism, that doesn’t seek justice or truth.” Even when Hermoso filed a criminal complaint, he insisted he wouldn’t resign.

All the speechifying and justification and stubbornness in the world couldn’t cover up that Luis Rubiales crossed a line, and that Hermoso and her allies were fighting for what they believed in.

In the end they won. In the end, I hope and believe that those advocating for equal pay for women athletes will win. In the end, I believe that the fight will be won, and that the simplistic scratch satisfied by a bit of well-intentioned speechifying will lose.

The women’s world cup is great, but the players symbolize more than tremendous performers. They embody one of my favorite bits of speechifying in the face of some of my least favorite speechifying.

You don’t fight the fights you can win. You fight the fights that need fighting.