As the parent who takes charge of your breakfast and lunch, I know that favorite meals come in fads. I made salmon cakes throughout the pre-pandemic winter; I have a full mac and cheese preparation routine; I know that Owen’s smashed egg sandwiches aren’t finished until I say “smashy, smashy”. But few meals have as much meaning for life as Alex’s beloved jelly toast.

When bad things happen to favorite meals, there’s a lot of frustration.

Frustration might be underselling it.

When bad things happen at all, there’s a lot of tears/screams/flailing/doomsday talk . It makes sense after all. At only three and five years old, you boys feel everything more deeply because you only have so many experiences. Things are the best thing ever or the greatest injustice of your life, because it’s your life, it’s your ever. And every day and every problem feels like a big deal because you are (often) dealing with it for the first time.

I saw that drama start to take root one morning as the jelly toast tumbled off the kitchen counter.

“Whoops!” I Said, “we can get that!” But cheery as I sounded, Alex’s face had already clouded over like a microburst on the prairie.

“Hey Bud,” I said, “I see you’re upset. I think we’re gonna have to just blame it on the jelly”.

Alex looked confused, and I tried to explain, but quickly realized the best solution would be to show the video that inspired me.

Local goalkeeping hero Sammy N’djock might have had some shock going from Cameroon to Turkey, to Minnesota, but he was an excellent keeper, and a great role model in trying times.

That own goal was arguably one of the ugliest of the year. It was played on social media, it was laughed at around the world, I heard it talked about on multiple podcasts and given the goofy low-lights treatment on cable tv. But Sammy N’djock didn’t collapse when it happened, he (and the Minnesota United Team made a joke of it)

When the video was over, Alex laughed. “He made a mistake because there was jelly on his gloves!”

“Not really, Bud.“ I explained, “but he made a mistake, and rather than scream about it, he chose to laugh and move on. He just blamed it on the jelly, and it was over”.

I had hoped that this would give Alex an easy way to remember that even the most embarrassing moments are just that: moments. Even the hardest times can be learned from. The greatest embarrassments are just one laugh away from making you smile.

Lots of goalkeepers know that lesson. But Sammy N’djock, modeled that so well. A short memory, a positive approach and a good sense of humor all help you accept that hard times are real, but they aren’t the only times we have.

I wish I could say that “blame it on the jelly” helps Alex and Owen just laugh and let go of frustrations. (I wish I could say, I followed it all the time–but I don’t.) But the big feelings keep crashing over us, and sometimes we handle it, and sometimes we don’t. I don’t expect that this will solve everything, but I hope that, when you face big frustrations that could unsettle any adult, you can be like Sammy N’djock and blame it on the jelly.