You boys have one love beyond your mother…and it’s not me.

Owen kisses her picture, Alex recites her words and re-enacts her story. You boys love Moana so much she saw you through the long interminable drive through North Dakota not once but twice [Not counting the three times we played the whole soundtrack]

You love lots of moments: Maui’s first appearance, Tomatoa’s defeat, hooks exploding, blow darts in butt cheeks, all the belted songs. But Owen recently adopted a song with a message that felt fresh to me, even after our 218th viewing.

The journey may leave a scar,

but scars can heal and reveal just where you are

–Lin Manuel Miranda “I am Moana”

The more I hear it the more I like that line. Honestly, you will have failures in life, lots of them. some of them will hurt so much that it’s hard to carry on

This line doesn’t suggest that the pain makes you stronger. Rather the pain makes you wiser. You know where you are more than who you are. You know enough to plan the next step.

The moment may be painful, even years later, but it can serve you well if you walk through it.

Consider the Loons. I’m writing this as I walk home after their last game in a hellacious week of 3 games in 7 days (all against top 4 opponents). They won tonight but were clobbered in the first two.

The scars of the first two losses sting, reminders that we aren’t elite by any stretch. But they make these moments sweeter. We aren’t great, yet, but we can, and hopefully will be.

Or think of the Griz. They actually have some say in their opponents. They could lurk in the mountain west clobbering lower division opponents and only worrying about Big Sky trophies. They could be great in that vacuum, but they choose to go for difficult games to build a squad that can be tournament tough.

They’re not on the cusp of a national championship, but they’re on a journey that aims beyond a tough loss to Creighton, or even stirring upsets of Boise State and Long Beach. Coach Citowicki knows where they are, and is helping them to journey farther.

Simplest of all, remember your family. We drove through North Dakota to do the hard task of saying goodbye. Your mom and grandma could shut down grief and ignore the pain of loss, but going to say goodbye will help them center themselves in the present. Through the goodbyes they remember where they are: here with you, the next generation. Ready to start again.

It certainly isn’t easy, and I understand if you feel like you can’t. But when you can, I hope you remember that in the moment of pain, thinking long term may serve you in ways you can’t imagine.