As I was puzzling over what to write about, you boys gave me an idea. As you often do.

Alex was playing with a truck as Owen picked up his Ukelele. Immediately, the world seemed to be ending. Alex was convinced that Owen was taking the Uke and would “NEVER EVER GIVE IT BACK!!!” Cue tears and a confused Owen tightening his grip and thus more tears.

I asked you both the next day what scared you. Owen, with his growing vocabulary said “baaah” his word for bottle (distinct from buh/ball or bu-inba/bowling ball). Alex said “nothing.”

“Really,” said I, “it seems like you often are afraid that whatever someone else has something you like. Like when Owen touches your Ukele. Does that scare you?”

“Oh…yeah…I’m scared of that.”

“Why?”

“Because…it’s mine…and he’s taking it and then HE’LL NEVER GIVE IT BACK. NOT EVER!!”

“I can see that would be scary. What do you do when you’re scared?”

Alex: “I scream!”

Owen: [makes deep breathing noise]–note Owen actually screams when he’s scared, but he already knows what I hope he’ll do.

When you’re afraid, you react naturally. But you also are more prone to make mistakes, overreact and generally get sucked into a bigger problem. Fear makes you ready to fight (as shown when you boys push eachother for toys), or flee (as when you run off to another room in tears), or freeze (when you can’t do anything else but scream).

Easy as it would be to say, “it’s a phase”, and “you’ll grow out of it,” the reality is lots of people do lots of dumb fight, flight, or flee activities when they’re afraid. Both as individuals, organizations, and even teams.

Take the spate of penalties that have sprung up for teams like Grenoble, Ross County, and Vozdovac.

As the season comes to its conclusion each team has a lot riding on every game. Grenoble is approaching the top tier of French football, Ross County and Vozdovac are fighting to stay afloat and avoid relegation. In that context every ball, every opportunity carries greater and greater weight. So, in fear, foolish challenges occur. Penalties are awarded and Grenoble’s wins become draws. County and Vozdovac see points sail away from the spot.

That’s a fight response. In our neighborhood this week, there’s been a lot more freezing.

The Derek Chauvin trial came to its end. The mountain of evidence, eye witnesses, and expert testimony were enough to hold the officer who killed a man in broad daylight to be held accountable. But all around us there were signs of people and groups freezing. Before the verdict, national guard troops arrived on our block to keep the peace (despite the fact that there was no unrest in the first place). I’ll be frank. I froze when I saw them. Big trucks. Big guns. Right where I pick up the dog’s poop…I didn’t want to go anywhere. That was the hope, but it was a hope based on our fear of the other outcome.

And we even got a textbook example of fleeing in fear this week. Twelve of the biggest teams in the world–teams who could buy and sell our 11 favorites ten times over–announced their plans to flee their current leagues lest they lose, and lose their business. Their fear of failure, of more losses, led them to plan on fleeing their current positions for something that seemed more certain.

And when the backlash was swift. When fans around the world, and players from every team, and coaches, and legends of the game, and politicians all announced that it was stupid, the teams fled again. This time they fled the super league from fear of losing the support they had assumed would follow them. Again they were afraid, and again they fled as fast as their legal briefs could carry them.

These reactions, fight, flight, and flee, are natural. They’re nothing to abandon or grow beyond. They are human responses. You boys are every bit as human as a desperate defender, a local leader, a billionaire owner, or a global soccer icon.

When you’re afraid, know that you’re not alone. If you make a mistake based on your fear, you have good company. If you want help, you have hosts of people who have been through it before.

Fear makes us do foolish things. That’s okay. Just know that fools always have company.