As you grow up boys, you should know that every thing you say and do has consequences. Missteps and misdeeds are shared more broadly and more quickly than ever. And more and more people are ready to denounce those people they find lacking.

Some see that as overreacting. But as one of my colleagues told me: If you tolerate intolerant people, then you are tolerating intolerance.

Dear Boys,

There is an ideal symbol for this debate right now in the manager’s office in Dingwall, Scotland (not far from where your centuries-past MacKenzie relatives tilled the field and apprenticed to tailors). Malky Mackay is officially the Staggies manager, and he has said and done more than a few things that are blatantly, obviously, intolerant.

These statements (reviewed in more detail here) aren’t tone deaf moments, or failures to understand. They’re straight up, no questions asked, racist, sexist, anti-Semitic, and homophobic. Mackay’s offenses are clear. But County’s hiring him is less so.

If you agree that tolerating such an intolerant man is, itself, an act of intolerance, then County’s decision to hire him, suggests tolerance for those abhorrent views. Fans decision to cheer the Stags who execute his game plan suggests the same. But things aren’t that simple.

The strongest complicating force is that many people, myself included, feel a philosophical, almost spiritual calling to forgive others. I believe, truly, that others deserve not just second chances, but third, fourth…infinite chances.

That seems inherently unfair in some cases. After all, if everyone knows they will get more chances, than those who make racist, sexist, anti-Semitic, or homophobic statements/actions may never really face consequences. If people know that we’ll tolerate their misdeeds, then everything we do will enable intolerance.

But here’s the distinction I make, and I hope you boys consider as you make up your own mind: you don’t tolerate the intolerance, you tolerate the people.

The word “tolerance” has come to mean “authorizing the existence of something unpleasant”. But the word’s Latin root (and another meaning of the word) is “endurance of pain”.

There’s a flawed logic in the idea that we can authorize or de-authorize any person. It assumes that we have a power to make other people do what we want. It suggests that some people are superior to others [better, holier, etc.].

Endurance is more passive, and more realistic. We don’t like to admit or face the fact that we CAN’T change the world, or even other people. But the truth is we can’t. Sometimes, all you can do is endure the relationship with a man who makes your skin crawl and stomach churn. And that is the stage we are at with Mr. Mackay.

I don’t authorize MacKay’s statements. I haven’t found a Staggies fan yet who does. I hope the Ross County board was explicitly clear with him. I hope they made clear that any such repeated statements, in public, or in his capacity as team manager (ie. discussing players/agents/owners/opponents/fans, etc), will not be tolerated. The penalty should be swift, and immediate, including termination of contract and repayment of wages (preferably to be donated to organizations that do reflect the club’s goals and mission). Such a requirement makes clear that Mackay is being tolerated, but intolerant actions will not.

I hope Mackay does well. I hope he apologizes for his past intolerance and works to build a better community in the weeks and months ahead. I hope he coaches a team that stays up. I hope his players learn from him and grow toward their full potential. (Given his half-hearted apologies and lousy managerial record, I anticipate doing much more “enduring” than admiring, but time will tell.)

I have no power over Malky Mackay, or the Ross County board, or anyone else anywhere on the planet. I cannot authorize or de-authorize anyone. I will oppose his intolerant actions/beliefs by not paying for any County seats or paraphernalia during Mackay’s tenure. But I will endure Malky Mackay. Managers come and go, but love for heritage, love for people, love for the Staggies, will endure.