Category: Dear Kids

31. Leave more than you take

31. Leave more than you take

by scruffyrube ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

It struck me that I ought to explain a little bit about why we cheer for the teams we do. Well, in part, it’s because I thought we ought to, and I’m the one of us most capable of complex thought and logic. But also, each team has a special something that captures part of what I love about life, and part of what makes you who you are.

So periodically (like during international breaks, long summer holidays, or say, global pandemics that completely alter everything we understand about our lives and ourselves), I want to introduce you to the teams we are tied to.

Our seventh team to meet: Club Sport de Emelec, who kicks off a new season this weekend, and reminds us how to be a guest.

Dear Boys,

Wherefore Emelec?

At the mouth of the Rio Guayas, near the southern coast of Ecuador, is the port town of Guyaquil. There a mixture of bustling city streets, picturesque hillsides, and busy beaches, builds up one of the two best known cities in the country. Santiago del Guyaquil hosts the most people in the region, thriving businesses, arts, and culture. As a port city, it has long been the launching point for adventures into the rest of South America, and hosted an eclectic array of foreigners, officials, and buccaneers.

Who is Emelec?

In the heart of Guyaquil is Estadio de George Capwell, a beautiful modern stadium with an unusual name. CS Emelec started life as one small, often forgotten part of the Sports Club founded by members of the Empresa Electrica del Ecuador (take the first syllables and you have Em-el-ec). George Capwell, a New Yorker by birth and engineer by training was an avid sportsman. To build the community within the company he founded, and played for teams alongside local employees. Playing point guard for the basketball team and catcher for the baseball team left little time or capacity for soccer. But the local employees insisted. Capwell endorsed it. And CS Emelec has blossomed ever since.

The 1925 team, and first champions (from emelec-al-maximo.blogspot.com)

The team remains stylized like the electric company it started as: with nicknames like El Bombillo (the lightbulb) and Los Electricos. The team’s storied history includes the second most titles in all Ecuador, a superb women’s team, agonizing proximity to continental glory, and a fierce rivalry with the most decorated team (cross town Rivals, SC Barcelona). Even while the company that birthed them has vanished, Emelec stands strong with 24 titles (and a star on the crest for every one of them).

How are we Emelec?

It may seem strange to adopt Emelec given that I have never been to Ecuador. Most other teams I have lived near or felt an affinity for immediately, but with Emelec, it’s different.

In Minnesota it can seem like we are little more than a sea of whiteness. Your heritage (Norwegian, Scottish, Serbian, German) certainly supports that. But the truth is that our neighborhoods are far more diverse than that. In fact, the Twin Cities boasts one of the largest Ecuadorian communities outside of New York City. Little Quito in north Minneapolis is vibrant, beautiful, and welcoming. I’ve taught many kids with Ecuadorian heritage and been told again and again to visit (starting with Guyaquil).

While we haven’t been to Ecuador (yet), there’s a valuable lesson in the story of CS Emelec, and George Capwell, one that rings true for travelers everywhere.

While most Americans go places to take things back, Emelec is the exception to the trend. The company behind the club was far more interested in its bottom line than the community. Several local scholars have pointed out the selfish, greedy, and condescending nature of a company that “could not lose”.

And, then there’s Capwell. Chances are, he was fine with the greedy business practices. More than likely he turned a tidy personal profit. Still, he also built something that was for local people. What he left behind has now far outlasted him and his company.

Capwell’s contribution means much more than what he made
(Findagrave.com, Alberto Farol Andrade)

When we travel, I want us to think about leaving behind something more than what we take. Leave behind a legacy, a gift, a gratitude. Leave more than you take, and you’ll be a gracious guest wherever you go.

30. Out of Many, One

30. Out of Many, One

by scruffyrube ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Dear Boys,

We’re in a strange state.

It feels like I say that every week, but every week of this project finds our country in an increasingly strange state of affairs.

In the midst of a global pandemic, the United States has relapsed into a worse rate of infection than we had before. Other countries are getting better, we’re getting worse. And there’s a very real possibility that our one saving grace: a low rate of people dying from the disease, may not last much longer.

Why is this? There are plenty of possible answers but the one that makes the most sense to me is this: a team of competing individuals can lose, competitive individuals together on a team cannot.

It comes back to the national motto: “E Pluribus Unum”, Latin for “Out of Many, One”. Out of many states, from many different interests, from many unique positions: one national society.

It’s a nice motto. It captures who we are and who we aspire to be. It is good both for a diverse nation and a typical sports team.

It’s just doesn’t reflect us that well.

Out of our many positions, we have many societies. From our many interests, we have a competition to see which one stands supreme.

Prima donna superstar Babe Ruth.

It stands out in sports as well. While we might think that out of many players comes a team, or from many teams a champion, the way sports is sold makes it more likely that from many players comes several players you love or love to hate. It’s not so much about this team or that, it’s about Brady, or LeBron, or Giannis, or Bellicheck. Even sports without transcendent superstars are talked about in terms of where the next star is. Baseball is still looking for the next Willie Mays, hockey the next Gretzky.

Totally humble Yankees Owner George Steinbrenner (Sports Illustrated)

Some people will tell you that’s because the players are prima donnas, playing for themselves and for contracts rather than a “love of the game”. But it’s on us too. Owners (like Comiskey, Steibrenner, or Cuban) have long looked out for their own bottom lines not the interchangeable players or communities. Fans also talk about their wins, their trophies, their bragging rights, dismissing players’ humanity.

Distance Shmistance (National Post)

So, it can’t be too surprising that we, as a nation of individuals, look for ways to compete and win and beat others both in sports and in life. In the context of American sports and individualism, it makes sense that many people would rather go to a party for themselves than wear a mask to protect a bunch of others they’ll never know. If we care so much about being “winning”, we will accept that many of our neighbors have to lose. So long as we get what we want (a vote, a haircut, a return to the way things were), it’s okay for others to lose (a job, a loved one, a home).

Part of the reason I love soccer is that it defies these transcendent players and narratives. Lionel Messi can’t be goalie and creator. A team that waits for its star to save the day, isn’t likely to be champions (just ask Zlatan-era Los Angeles teams).

Waiting for Messi (La Marca)

So while there’s a steady thrum of questions like: “where’s the American Messi,” or “when will the US Men’s game find their own Megan Rapinoe”? I think that is part of the problem.

It’s not about that competitive individual, it’s about several individuals, coming together to compete for a common purpose. Where’s the American Liverpool? When will the US Men’s game find a partnership like Julie Blakstad and Marit Clausen? How can I help myself, and my neighbors, and total strangers I don’t expect to see today?

We are competitive. That’s a strength, not a flaw. But as long as we are competing with each other rather than for each other, it’s just going to get stranger and stranger, until, from many, we are many more.

29. Context is King

29. Context is King

by scruffyrube ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Clearly Rosenborg Ballklub’s women’s team is the greatest team in the history of soccer. They’ve never lost a match.

Also, history is brewing near Dingwall. Ross County’s next transfer will break the club’s record for summer transfer sessions. The club is poised to join the top ten spenders in Scottish soccer.

Oh, and it’s terrible to ask about black people being shot by the police because more white people are victims of police shootings. How dare you make this about race.

Those are three very stupid hot takes. But they’re all stupid for the same reason.

Context is king.

Dear Boys,



You may hear people saying that you can’t argue with facts. Which is true. The encyclopedia has never changed itself while I yell at it.

But while you can’t argue with facts you can and should argue with people who use facts out of context. Facts out of context aren’t sacrosanct, their tools of persuasion: tools that can be wielded subtly or with all the careful grace of a hippo in a tutu.

You don’t have to let them use those tools any more than you have to let your dentist use a compound mitre saw to floss your teeth.

Each of those hot takes is based on facts, each of which I italicized. Those facts superficially support my claim, but include context and both the fact and my argument fall apart.

The classic look
(Vavel.com)

Yes, the Rosenborg Kvinner are undefeated under that name. But the sample size is ludicrously small. They’ve only played two games as Rosenborg, and under the club’s old mantle (Trondheims Ørn) they certainly lost their share. They’ve had a great two games with a new names, that doesn’t make them the greatest team ever.

Yes, the next signing by Ross County will break records and put them into the top ten spenders in Scotland. But you have to know both the team’s history and the state of Scottish soccer to see how irrelevant that is.

Really, isn’t everything a record
(From The Scotsman)

Since joining the top league Ross County have never paid for a transfer, so even one cent would break a record. Moreover, with only twenty teams in the top league, being in the top ten could mean you spend like crazed Glaswegians (Rangers/Celtic) or that you are right on average for the top league.

So a transfer fee would be historic, it also wouldn’t make a lot of difference. It would be as historic as the punctuation I put at the end of this specific sentence¡

Which brings us to the last out of context fact which both distorts sample size and skews away from cultural/historical context.

https://twitter.com/MaddiKiwana/status/1283225629270269953

Yes, over 2,000 white people have been killed by police and yes that is two times more than other racial groups. Also, there are four times more white people in the US than black ones. So, black (and Hispanic) people are killed more than twice as often as white folks. Totals are facts, so are percentages and rates, using one while ignoring the context of others is stupid and biased.

That bias, that damned systemic racism, is the other part. Throughout the country’s history, we’ve undervalued people of color to over-inflate the importance of white people. Sometimes it’s as crass as proclaiming “reverse racism” over any racial discussion. Sometimes it’s as subtle as celebrating the white teacher before acknowledging the brown-skinned students. This time it’s pretty blatant, stupid, and divorced from the history of oppression that underpins the United States.

I mean…in a room with Andrew Jackson and Woodrow Wilson…maybe?

However you look at it, facts are indisputable. But the conclusions we draw from them are, always and forever, debatable. Much as we cheer Julie Blakstad and company, much as we hope for Steven Ferguson’s side, we have to know that our arguments are less about the facts and more about our feelings. Just as we know the dismissal of uncomfortable claims of racism is less about the facts, and more about our feeling uncomfortable with the truth.

Silly sports opinions can carry this natural bias as part of their very nature. We’re fans, not fact machines. But the same issues that cloud judgments about teams or players apply to other arguments. So keep asking questions, wonder why people say what they do, and remember: context is king.

28. Future Facing

28. Future Facing

by scruffyrube ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

Change is hard.

We’re in a time and a place where just about everyone would give their right arm if we could just “get back to normal.” If we could reset to before the unrest, before the virus, before the last election.

But that’s not what we need. We don’t need to go back. We need to go forward.

Dear Boys,

You can’t prepare for the future by trying to recreate the past

You can see that in the one club that’s still active: Rosenborg Ballklub. No team has won more titles in the men’s or women’s game in Norway. No team has a higher profile, garners more attention, or attracts more talent.

Neither team has been in great form lately. The men scuffled last year and have begun this season decidedly off color. Their last title came just two years ago, but they feel far from championship caliber.

The women, who began play as Trondheim-Orn in 1972, may have dominated the Norwegian soccer scene in the 90’s but it has been a decade since they cracked the top 5. While Lillestrom has grabbed the league by the scruff of the neck, Rosenborg nee Trondheim, might well wish for a chance to go back to their glory days.

But what’s so gratifying is to see the teams push ahead rather than search around behind themselves.

Blakstad celebrates the first of many
(Football.no)

The two players who did the most to shine last week were Emil Konradsen Ceide and Julie Blakstad. Each is only 18 years old. To put that in perspective, if they’d been foreign exchange students: I’d have taught them. Even more in perspective: both they are closer to your age than they are to mine.

That’s as it should be. The focus shouldn’t be on what has been, but on what could be. Ceide and Blakstad are the future of Rosenborg, just as you boys are the future of our family.

Konradsen Ceide (fvn.no)

It can be hard to let go of your own importance, and for every Ceide and Blakstad that rises to the fore, it seems like a veteran player is fading away. To be sure, you can certainly learn a lot from studying the past and respecting those who have gone before you. But that’s not what this is about.

Focusing on the future doesn’t diminish the past. Returning to “normalcy” is only positive if what was “normal” was good for you. Hard as it is to know that my time is passing with every stroke of the keys and tick of the clock, I take comfort in knowing that what comes next will boost you boys into the future.

27. Looking for Leaders

27. Looking for Leaders

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Dear Boys,

You’re too young for it now, but you will in time become obsessed with Star Wars. So it has been for me, your mother, your uncles, just about everybody at one time or another. While I don’t love it like I used to, I will always remember one key line.

(Magic Quote, from Star Wars IV: A New Hope by George Lucas)

That scene pokes fun at those who doubt and deride others without taking up the mantle of leadership themselves. But it applies to lots of us, every day, in different ways. In these uncertain times, we look to leaders for guidance. But how do we know leaders from fools?

Leadership without accountability is just authority.

I think you can see this illustrated in two of our favorite clubs.

First, there’s SC Freiburg: the Baden-Wuttermburg based workhorses of Germany. With little capital and only a light dusting of history, they have become genuine contenders to represent the best that German football has to offer. And at the center of that is the coach, Christian Streich.

Streich in stride (Daily Mail)

Streich doesn’t cut a striking figure or command attention. He leads through honesty, and introspection. He thinks big thoughts and asks big questions, not just about X’s and O’s but of how he and soccer contribute to modern challenges, and what they can do to address them.

Streich could, like other coaches, fixate on the next game and shut out everything else. But he doesn’t. He invites dialogue, not obedience. He questions his place, and the place of soccer as part of our world: not life/death, not all/nothing, just part of the whole. Being accountable as a coach, and a person breeds the trust that builds a team and begets leadership. He models accountability beyond the sideline, and in life itself.

Then, there’s Eirik Horneland. He who was given the keys to the kingdom at Rosenborg Ballklub and promptly dropped them down the garbage disposal.

Horneland heads home (Dagblad.com)

I mock, but truthfully, Horneland is the other side of accountability. Things have not gone as Rosenborg wants or expects. Horneland could have done many things. He could have deflected. He could have huffed, puffed, and thrown players, management, or officials under the proverbial bus. He could have, but he didn’t.

“er det naturlig at jeg som øverste sportslig ansvarlig i RBK må ta ansvaret for manglende sportslig fremgang,”

It is natural that I , as the top sports director at RBK, must take responsibility for the lack of team progress

Eirick Horneland

That is everything. Horneland was held responsible, and he held himself responsible. He was held accountable, and he accepted it.

If the world was perfect, you boys would always be Streichs. You’d work hard, do well, and, by all accounts, deserve to be rewarded. But that is not the world. Sometimes, you will work hard, struggle, and, by all accounts, deserve to lose what you work for. You will have times when you are Hornelands. You may be full of hope, ideals, and exciting opportunities. But it may all wind up in that garbage disposal.

(Clay Bennett, Chattanooga Times Free Press)

I say this because, right now, America has a leader without accountability. A leader who sees everything he does as right, and every critique of him as cruel. A leader who insists on dividing our community as we cry out for unity. In short, we have a fool. A man who likes the authority of his office, and eschews the accountability.

So, absent that figure in our public consciousness, I bring up these two coaches, both of whom lead, both are held accountable, and both respect that they don’t just have a position of authority, they have a position of leadership.

26. Silence the Roar

26. Silence the Roar

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Dear Boys,

In soccer, as in most things, the rush of a crowd’s support is a special type of thrill.

Professional athletes know this. There are plenty of trite claims about the roar of the crowd or effect of the fans like an extra player. But it’s true. An audience can inspire greatness. It does it for amateurs and in other arenas too. My biggest audiences–a couple dozen parents at ten year old soccer finals, a few hundred at a school play, thousands of neighbors strung along a 26 mile marathon course–certainly had an effect on me. I felt bolder, braver. Every kick or joke or stride brought a jolt of excitement and purpose.

Marathon Sunday (from City of Minneapolis)

But we must do without crowds in the age of pandemic. It is strange to see players playing their trade in front of a sea of empty seats. Many leagues have turned to ambient match sounds to replace the cavernous echoing thump of cleat against ball.

Still there’s something to appreciate in the absence of crowds and something to avoid in their presence. Despite the excitement that comes with being the center of attention, never confuse a crowd’s approval with your virtue.

Think of Vozdovac, where fans have been back at stadia for three weeks (despite serious health professional opposition–because Serbia).

Racist symbols at Rad (from Linglong Superliga Youtube)

In the three matches where fans were present, we have several highlights of fan sections adorned with far right racist symbols: Celtic crosses, Confederate stars and bars, Reichskriegsflagge. While I loved seeing those behind the confederate flag go silent after a goal, I know that Vozdovac’s Invalid section use similar imagery.

That makes cringe. It also reminds me that crowds create corrupted logic. The entire stadium is a crowd. The fans use the flags. The club tolerates them. The players build affinity for supporters and their symbols. It all creates a vicious circle.

The acceptance by all parties at a stadium makes it okay to wave symbols of hate, which makes more people fly it, which makes it easier to accept. The crowd has created a mass delusion that racist symbolism is fine, because its theirs and the crowd validates them.

Those same cycles occur in our own neighborhoods as well.

Hundreds of protesters have torn down monuments to vile, bigoted, people. Statues that honor those who pillaged, murdered, enslaved, and belittled people of color deserve to come down and I’m glad they did. However, the image of toppling statues to cheers can invite a generalized belief that such grand actions do good on their own. Across the St. Croix river, Wisconsinites angry at an unjust arrest tore down sympathetic statues. They didn’t have reasons why. The anger of the crowd vindicated these illogical actions which incite more anger, which leads to more illogical actions.

These muddled motivations are nothing next to those who defend the racist symbols. That includes our president who called statues of slave holders, military bases named after traitors, and symbols of racial animosity “our beautiful heritage.” (Just to make this clear: Serbian football fans aren’t advocating for a more agrarian society and decentralized government…they know it’s a racist symbol, that’s why they like it.)

If all you want is applause, what you do to get it says a lot about you. (From the Oklahoman)

Again, the crowd corrupts the logic. A group that wants so badly to be different than the protesters ends up defending an indefensible target. A man who thrives on the applause of others lauds the inane logic, breeding more distrust and enmity because the cycle of cruelty, to a cheering crowd, to cruelty continues without end.

A group of politically engaged citizens, protesters, or soccer fans is not, by itself, a dangerous group. But confusing the collection of people with the confirmation of righteousness is dangerous. Crowds aren’t bad. What we do to join, to animate, or to earn the praise of a crowd is.

As a counterpoint to Serbian Hooligans and racist dogwhistles, consider Vincenzo Grifo from Freiburg. He has long been a top tier player, thriving on big Bundesliga stages, and appearing for the elite Italian national team.

Now, even in empty stadia he continues to do his best. Among all the empty stands, he know who he is and loves what he does. He doesn’t need a crowd to spur him on, and one goal suggests why.

Grifo (from SempreInter)

Consider the curling wonderstrike against Hertha Berlin. At a moment where many players might use the crowd to urge them on, the absence of support might mute your performance. Not so Grifo. He stands tall, delivers a great goal, and then runs to the nearest camera. He screams a greeting to his family and hometown. Even with an empty stadium, the inspiration and encouragement exists in his heart, his history, something far beyond a few thousand fans on a Friday night.

Grifo doesn’t need a crowd to do great things, and neither do you. By all means, enjoy a crowd, revel in the roar. Just don’t conflate a crowd with correctness.

25. Amazing Grace

25. Amazing Grace

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Dear Boys,

My friend Aly once broke it down for me like this: “you’re a cis-hetero, upper middle class, educated white guy. If life were a video game, you’d be playing it on easy mode.”

That can be a little hard to hear but it’s true for me, and it may turn out to be true for you too. To be fair, at your age it’s not clear if your genders are more fluid, or your orientations are different, or where your education and careers will take you. But make no mistake, the comfort and prominence of being white has made and will make your life easier

And yet, if you’re anything like me, you will run into people who invite you to “take it easy” or cut others who look like us “some slack”.

Right now there’s a lot to do. As the protests fade into the background it’s easier and easier to let go of lofty goals and abandon your expectations. Easier still to ridicule and disparage people who take a break.

Even with all the pressure, stress, and big fights to fight, you shouldn’t take it easy. Even when someone who looks like you, sounds like you and pleads that they meant well, or were raised at a different time, and so would appreciate a little slack, be wary before you agree.

Life is easy enough already and white guys have more than our share of slack as it is.

Don’t take it easy, don’t cut people a ton of slack, but do extend yourself and others a little grace.

To some, these may sound like distinctions without a difference. Ease, slack, grace. All speak to comfort and a break from struggle. So why applaud one and avoid the others?

Taking it easy excuses yourself from the work that must be done. Cutting slack lowers expectations for some while others keep striving. Extending grace asks us to appreciate the humanity in others while holding firm expectations for what will be done and how it will be done.

(From Stream)

As a teacher, I often need to do this for students. If a kid doesn’t do an assignment, we could take it easy and cancel the assignment, we could cut some slack and grade it with the notion that this is the best they could do, or we could extend grace, offer support and sympathy, then set a plan for completing the full assignment.

C’mon Man!! (from Esquire)

There is another alternative of course: be a jerk and tell them they’re wrong. It’s a popular choice for some. It comes along with an inflated sense of righteousness and a diminished view of other people. It can feel good to tell people who fall short just how far they are from adequate. But that’s as far away from grace as you can get.

Or consider sports, players are coming back to training, but few if any are as crisp and sharp as they might have been otherwise. Now is not the time to berate or demean them as failures, nor is it the time to pat them on the head and provide a participation trophy.

Instead we can extend some grace. So if/when they miss an open netter (Rosenborg) , flub a great opportunity to cross (Freiburg), or get caught ball watching as an opponent slices up the defense (Vozdovac), we neither rage nor shrug. We remember these are people. They have families at risk for a rampant disease and their job puts them at extra risk. The world is often on fire and friends, loved ones, or neighbors, might be in harm’s way. By extending a little grace we keep things in perspective, appreciate where they are now and stay focused on where we hope to go.

Extending grace

I live my life on easy mode. I have the luxury and privilege of doing so. For a long time I’ve bemoaned every failure and loathed each short coming. While others encourage me to take it easy or cut myself some slack, I would respectfully say no. I have a lot to do. I can and should do it as well as possible. But I can extend grace and recognize that I am here now, I have done my best, and I can do better.

I’m not saying I’ve done it right, or that I’ve done it at all. But with a little grace I know I’ve done my best today, and I’ll strive to do better tomorrow.

24. Stick to Society

24. Stick to Society

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Dear Boys,

Over the last few weeks, I’ve been focused almost entirely on talking to you about the serious work to be done confronting systemic racism, and working to dismantle it. And yet, I also work in references to and lessons from sports.

That might seem incongruous. Serious issues deserve serious consideration, and sports is anything but serious. These are children’s games being played for the amusement of the masses. Some wonder if the distraction of sports would allow us to pursue the change we have to make.

They have a point that Nancy Armour sums up well. Too often we flip past the dire news of death, destruction, and dehumanization in favor of a quick recap of the days scores and highlights. We shouldn’t be consumed with sports.

Always smile when I think of George and Timothy Weah.

But we also need to remember that without solace, entertainment, or amusement we wouldn’t have the capacity to keep working as we do. Taking a break from the protest, even for five minutes to talk about who scored a screamer or how to contain a problem like Bayern Munich, isn’t selfish, it’s a momentary act of self-care, one that can lighten a heavy heart and give us a new way to see things. Some people find that in art, some in music, and you can see it in sports too.

Of course, there are those who bemoan using sports for anything more than the distraction it provides. There are people who want to safe-harbor of sports to shield them from the stormy world beyond. You’ll recognize them groaning every time an athlete says more than “you know, you gotta play as a team” or “we just gave it our all.” If they have the temerity to speak up, or speak out, there’s major frustration all encapsulated by the phrase “stick to sports”.

But sports have always been political because life is always political.

Sports were political in 1936 when Adolf Hitler tried to assert the dominance of the white race only for Jesse Owens to crush the Aryan champions and the world records.

Jack and the Little Colonel

Sports were political in 1947 when Jackie Robinson broke the color barrier and Pee Wee Reese stood beside him in front of every hostile stadium. (As well as in 1901 when Charlie Grant tried to play, only to be abandoned by manager John McGraw when things got tough.)

Tiny little green armbands incurred the Ayatollah’s anger

Sports were political in 1968 when when Tommie Smith and John Carlos held up black power fists to show their pride after winning medals, and in 1972 when terrorists attacked Israeli athletes at the games in Munich. It was political when countries boycotted competitions out of political animosity, and when players who came out as gay were blackballed from competition. When Charles Barkley said, “I am not a role model”, and Michael Jordan said, “Republicans buy sneakers too,” and we all rallied around the New York Yankees after 9/11, and when players on Iran’s national team were briefly banned for supporting democracy, and when North Korea’s team reported torture after losing in the world cup.

Sports are political because life is political. Asking athletes to not share opinions and simply amuse you is like asking people to shut off one part of their humanity. Asking anyone, especially people of color, to stop being human is absolutely the problem.

So, don’t stick to sports. If you stick to sports, you succumb to the distractions and abandon the work we have to do. If you stick to sports, or demand that athletes do the same, you are complicit in dehumanizing others.

Stick to society. Share sports in a society, where we unite and cheer and are inspired to get back to work. Use sports as a tool to understand society, dig deeper, and explore our common humanity. In particular, remember that those who play, and amaze, and engage our sports-loving minds, aren’t just there to amuse us. They don’t serve us. They’re part of our society. Listen to the opinions they share, and go from there.

23. Ask to Help

23. Ask to Help

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Dear Boys,

After the last three months, I know you can see the ways that life will be hard for you. Rarely have we had as long or as unsettling a series of experiences as we have had in 2020. While you are insulated from most of it now by your age, your sex, your family’s financial status, and your innocent age, I know that you’ve gathered some of the pressure that’s on your parents, grandparents, and neighbors every day.

At times like these the pressure often pushes us to do one of a few things: look outward to find someone to blame, or look inward for support. Please, please, please boys look inside yourselves and ask “how can I help?” as often as possible.

In the last week, our neighborhood has been on fire, our block has teemed with men and women carrying guns, our streets have been covered with heavy duty army grade equipment. I know you loved the sight of so many different trucks, Alex, but I also know that you saw your mama and I looking stricken, confused, and worried. Owen, I’m sure you could feel the anxiety in our arms and urgency in our whispers.

But more than think about what has happened or assigning blame for why, what matters now is helping with doing something next. This is where sports provide us with a reflection on life.

Hope Solo (Left)

When things go wrong, some players ask who’s to blame. They turn around and point fingers and demand that others change to serve them. Think about the best goalie in American soccer history: Hope Solo.

Solo was excellent for the Women’s National Team, and she knew it. If the team won, it was because she was great. If the team lost, she often put the onus on dirty playing opponents or incompetent teammates and coaches. In particular, she lambasted her predecessor (and Minnesotan Soccer saint) Briana Scurry after a 4-0 loss.

St. Briana of the Blackhart

Some people will tell you that such focus and ego is essential to being an all-time great. That may be true. Certainly Solo is an all-time legend. But sports, especially soccer, like life, isn’t about your own individual greatness, it’s about the community around you.

The most dominant player today…and Lionel Messi.

Consider the two players named the best in the world last fall: Lionel Messi and Megan Rapinoe. Each is excellent sure, and certainly, each has an ego. Messi’s competitiveness is legendary, but his memory for failure is short. He has the most goals in the history of Spanish football, he also has the most assists, providing opportunities for others and making his team (like himself) successful.

Likewise, Rapinoe is a dominant, tenacious competitor. Likewise she can be an imperious goal scorer and a tremendous distributor. But unlike the antagonistic Solo, or the quiet Messi, Rapinoe still speaks up, but does so to promote and support, rather than to diminish or blame.

She knelt to oppose police violence when no other women or white athletes were taking such a position. She questioned the expectation that her team celebrate with a divisive and crude leader. She repeatedly risks her own income to emphasize equal pay for all the women on the team. Rapinoe doesn’t just focus on her own greatness, she works for a greater society for all.

We could take this time to think about ourselves. But our discomfort doesn’t come from the peaceful protesters who camped out on our yards on Monday, or the frustrated few who broke things across the river last week.

It’s not something that the mayor, the police chief, the governor or even the president could control, and we shouldn’t waste time parceling out responsibility to them.

Even the officer, whose callous indifference to cries for help cost George Floyd his life, doesn’t shoulder the blame for our unease. We weren’t physically harmed by him and our unease is nothing compared to the Floyd family’s loss. He is simply the embodiment of a larger, heavier, inescapable system that fostered a belief that what he chose to do was right. It’s the system that makes us uneasy, and all the people, organizations, and inner voices we want to fight against that cause us this conflict.

Rather than assigning blame and absolving ourselves, like Hope Solo or our All-of-the-Credit-None-of-the-responsibility president, we can take this moment to ask how can we help. We can give, we can volunteer, we can agitate and advocate. We can assist others like Messi, we can fight for change like Rapinoe. And if you’re not sure what to do, start by asking “how can I help”, then do the needful.

22. Screw Systemic Racism

22. Screw Systemic Racism

by scruffyrube ♥ 0 Leave a Comment

“The fault,

Dear Boys,

Lies not in our stars, but in our selves.”

I’ve been repeating a short phrase to you both. One that your grandparents would rather I revise, and one that some of my friends will scoff at for its timidity. Still, I want you to learn it:

“Screw you systemic racism!”

You are 7 months and 2 and a half years old. Your strengths are cuteness and innocence and your audience is indulgent. People listen to you because of what you look like. If they are going to listen, say something that means something: “Screw you systemic racism”

Make no mistake, systemic racism is why our cities are unfair, why our cities are in a fury, why our cities are on fire. It’s not because of some secret police conspiracy, or because of out of town instigators, or because of one cop killing one defenseless man. It’s because of systemic racism and all the people who play a role in sustaining it either through our words or our silence, our action or our inaction.

So say it again: screw your systemic racism!

While you do that, I have a lot to do. My strengths are privilege and power and my audience is attentive because of habit, not because I deserve it. People listen to me because of what I look like, not because I’m cute, but because I’m white, and a man, and often in a position of authority. I have done nothing to deserve this audience, but if people are going to listen I better do something that means something.

So you say it, while I do it: “screw you systemic racism”.

I am not going to post my thoughts and prayers to social media. Not going to complain or opine or theorize or joke. For too damn long I thought that was helpful, but it just echoes around my small circle, building a sound and fury while signifying nothing.

I’m going to disrupt the system. I’m going to talk with and challenge everyone: your great-grandma, your great-auntie, my cousins, our fellow citizens. I’m not going to document these conversations for the approval of others. I’m going to challenge them because for too damn long I thought that gradual references would soften them up. But that has just let them stay comfortable and let me be complacent and let systemic racism hold on longer and longer.

I’m going to listen with love to the unheard oppressed and to support and amplify their voices whenever I can. I’m not going to suggest actions, or turn their pain into my personal growth. It’s not about me, or you, or any of our stuff. it’s about the unheard, unappreciated, unaddressed concerns of our brothers and sisters who don’t feel safe, who know no peace, who can’t breathe beneath the knee of systemic racism.

I’m going to fight like hell, every day, however I can. I know education. I believe in education. I want to do what I can to fight for an end to systemic racism in education every day in my work. Through funding, through instruction, through student supports, through family communities, through personal interactions and public structures. This is my life’s work.

When work is done I’m going to fight like hell to avoid comfort, to push for inclusion, to amplify forgotten chapters of history, and to make even distractions and amusements meaningful. You may not know it, but you need it, and I need it, if it’s going to stop being words and start being reality.

And when you handle saying the words, I’m going to help you make a change too.

So screw you systemic racism.

Let’s go.