The more time I spend with you boys the more I come to recognize that lessons about life, about our world, about important skills in reading, writing, and arithmetic, all stand subordinate to lessons about our emotions.

While there are many times where you need to vent your anger, or express your sadness, or scream out your joy, there’s one emotion that cuts across all of them: passion. It may not be an emotion in and of itself, but rather an intensity of emotion that supercharges each feeling to its extremity.

Sadness isn’t just sadness, it’s a part of “the WORST DAY EVER”. Frustration isn’t just frustration it’s the impetus for each of you to slam doors and scream out “YOU. RUIN. EVERYTHING!!!”

At four and six you are still learning how to express emotions, how to handle the extremity and how to appreciate the nuances.

But you aren’t the only ones.

Of all the things that happened in our small corner of the soccer world, I found myself thinking about this moment in Dingwall, Scotland frequently.

@theukcasualsway

Partick Thistle Fans Nicking The Ross County Drum Today 😳 #football #footballer #fans #footballfans #footballforlife #uk #unitedkingdom #footballcasuals #casuals #casualstyle #casualclobber #casualculture #casualscene #pyro #tifosi #tifos #tifoso #ultras #ultrasworld #ultrasmentality #ultrasstyle #premierleague #efl #eflchampionship #spfl #limbs #awayfans #awayends #uefa

♬ original sound – Ukcasualsway

That’s fans of Partick Thistle letting their passions run riot before a Cup match at the end of January. Given that Thistle lost a painful playoff battle just last June to County, I can understand why emotions were running hot. Given that their team was in fine form while County was bedraggled, I understand why there was such confidence and energy.

But I keep thinking about that last moment. Watching one young man stop, grab, and rip away another young man’s drum. I understand the emotions. I understand how passions rise up, but I just don’t understand why it has to lead to pushing down someone else in order to lift yourself up.

I certainly have seen you both tussle and bicker over this toy or that one. I’ve watched your feelings turn into passions, and your passions turn into punches (or the four-year-old-equivalent), and I honestly can see a physical resemblance between you both and the young men in this video (the men are likely only 10-15 years older than you).

I see all this, all these echoes of you in bigger bodies, thousands of miles away. And I worry.

I like that you have all the emotions. I like that you express them. But I don’t want you to fall into this trap.

Lots of people have lots of emotions. All of them are real, and none of them are bad. But when we let passion push our emotions beyond ourselves to interrupt others, there’s a problem.

First and foremost, if you let your passions run the show, you risk harming others. Add to that, when other people get harmed, their passions intensify and suddenly you’re at risk as well. Consider, as well, that as you grow into bigger bodies, bigger muscles, and develop a bigger arsenal of attacks, you face bigger consequences. You can be seen as a threat, a dangerously violent force, and you can face legal consequences too.

That’s what happened to these young men. I’m sure their petty hooliganism released their passions in the moment, but it also made them targets of police inquiries.

It’s not only the young pseudo toughs who let their passions get the better of them. Sometimes, it’s the older adults who are supposed to be mature enough to lead others.

That’s County manager, Derek Adams, the same man who helped the Stags climb to the Premiership years ago. Frustration for him turns into an impassioned argument, but one against his own players, the men he claims to lead. Saying that they (and their opponents) are “rubbish” that they aren’t worth paying to see, that they are 100 times worse than a lower tier team in England.

Conveniently, Adams opted to quit working with “rubbish” players after they continued to struggle (not long after that cup defeat against Thistle as a matter of fact).

I don’t mind that Adams was frustrated or that he let his frustrations pour out in a passionate outburst after a difficult match. I do mind that he let his passion excuse some cruelty to people who are trying their best. Adams didn’t steal a child’s drum, or commit petty vandalism, but he did bully and ridicule others.

Passion is important. It can give you motivation and energy to do more than you imagine. It can connect you to others and build a community of enthusiastic strivers. But it can also run down others and isolate you from those who could help you.

Passion is powerful. Learn from the poor examples of Derek Adams and County’s highland rivals. Please, use it to empower and unite, not to batter and divide.