A few weeks ago, while driving into work, I heard a summary of political philosophy that neatly captured what I see in society, soccer, and myself.

Put simply: everyone wants to act in response to problems we see. Progressives want to do something while conservatives want to stop something in progress or undo something that’s been done.

I’m not about to pretend which point of view I prefer (particularly in politics–hint it starts with a P and ends with “rogressive”.) But as the pundits pointed out both instincts can lead to unintended consequences.

Start with my progressive view. Like a lot of folks I want to see my teams make some changes when they struggle. That’s when I start begging for Alebrijes to switch their system, or for the Loons to sign a big striker, or for Ross County to bring in a new coach.

But those changes that many in fan bases yearn for don’t yield immediate results and fail as often as they succeed. Alebrijes might not have the players to make any system work. Adrien Hunou might not find the goal for a couple months. Your team may hire a racist…etc. etc.

The conservative approach is no less fraught. The glory days are so enticing that it’s natural to want to go back. Bring back Jessy Benet in Grenoble, increase the focus on the men’s team at Rosenborg, or undo the appointment of the manager with a few weeks under his belt (see: Tottenham Hotspur).

These too assume that everything can return to the way they were (despite the fact that context, and surroundings, and everything else has changed around them). Jessy’s got a new club. Rosenborg aren’t the league titans they once were. Tottenham’s squad isn’t the fresh faced world beaters they were a few years ago.

The same is true at a personal level.

The more I try to make things the way that I want them to be, the more I struggle, grapple, and grow frustrated.

Whether it’s control in the classroom, or getting you boys to brush your teeth when I want you to, the more I try to do/undo something, the less likely I am to do anything differently.

But, when I accept that things are the way they are, and my role is to bring my full self to them, the more I add to the space, add to the experience, and change it for the better.

Being present with you is so much more meaningful for all of us (and makes brushing fun). Sending love and concern into my classroom yields much more than exerting control over the situation.

On the pitch too, bringing your full self into a space can create a better, more valuable experience for everyone. Think of Coach Citowicki in Missoula, whose manners and approach have given kids at a smaller school professional opportunities and enabled a transition from one generation to the next (see Claire Howard and Camila Xu).

When you are fully present rather than distracted by what you want to make happen, you find a pleasure in what is. The Griz can see that Big Sky titles are beautiful themselves. Freiburg’s loyalty and appreciation of the understated Christian Streich has built the environment for their best season in years.

We get caught up talking about and fixating on the forces of change: how the world ought to be and what tools to make it so. We want to be a force for change in the world. But hard as it is, I believe we ought to resist that temptation, and instead of being a force for change, change your force to quiet grace.